Popular

Southern Insults 101: Things Your Mama Taught You

Though Scarlett O’Hara is the kind of woman many Southern girls aspire to be, there were times even she struggled with the proper Southern insults. It’s a tricky business coming up with just the right cutting line. In a fight with Ashley Wilkes, she bursts out, “I can’t think of anything bad enough to call you!” Now, that’s just plain lazy on her part. There are always options for name-calling.

Later, when she’s insulted by Rhett Butler, she does her level best to hit him where it hurts, “Sir, you are no gentleman.” That probably would have been enough to cut your average fellow, but Rhett was an above average guy who quickly returned fire, “And you, Miss, are no lady.”

Fortunately, time goes on and Southerners have become more creative with their swearing. I don’t mean four-letter words, although used properly, those can pack a punch. There are certain times when letting something fly is terribly liberating. But any fool who made it through a middle school locker room can use those words. Southerners are possessed of what I like to call, “nice meanness.” If you wrote the words anyone used down on paper, it would look just fine. But delivered with the right inflection, they are devastating.

Bless your heart

If your children make it past third grade and do not yet understand that this is the lead-in to some of the most vile insults, they are not going far in life. If you attach some version of this phrase to even the most dreadful of insults, it’s totally fine to say.

Bless his heart, he is dumb as a sack of rocks. 

Bless her heart, she has no fashion sense at all. 

Adding “cotton-picking” or “pea-picking” to the phrase is typically a double insult.

Bless your cotton-picking heart, you really have no idea how this works, do you?

God love ‘em

This is used similarly to “bless your heart.” It softens the blow on harsh statements.

God love him, he’s a little slow on the uptake. 

She is dressed like a $10 Memphis whore, God love her. 

I’ll pray for you

This is often used after someone makes a totally insane assertion or is about to make a terrible decision.

Them: I’ve decided to quit my job to pursue a career as a trapeze performer.

You: I’ll pray for you. 

How nice for you

This response is usually prompted when someone makes a claim to be higher than his actual station in life or expresses interest in something no one else can fathom why that’s exciting.

Him: I have the largest earthworm collection west of the Mississippi.

You: How nice for you.

Her: I’m a writer. I’ve kept a journal every day since second grade.

You: How nice for you. 

Memorable/Interesting/Creative/Different

If you can’t say something nice, use words that say nothing at all.

That sweater sure is memorable. 

That’s an interesting way to decorate your home. 

You know, I would have never thought to color my hair quite that shade. You’re so creative. 

That movie sure was different. 

Thank you for Sharing

There’s always that guy. The one who gives WAY too much personal information when you’ve only just met one another or the gal who gives details far beyond what you need to hear while eating.

Him: You know, they said that rash was incurable, but what do they know. I haven’t had any itching…you know…down there…since I started seeing the psychic.

You: Well…thank you for sharing. 

I’m Just Sayin'…

This particular phrase is used quite often by mamas trying to talk their children out of poor decisions.

I realize dying your hair purple before a job interview seems like a way to stand out from the crowd. I’m just sayin… I’m not sure this company is looking for employees with Easter egg colored hair. 

Of course, if none of these insults are appropriate for the particular situation you’re in, never fear. The icy cold, unflinching stare is enough to make any mortal rethink the idea that the South is a warm climate.

Sponsored

Lauren Akins Chopped Off Over A Foot Of Her Hair For A Good Cause

Lauren Akins had some really long hair--emphasis on had. She just chopped off over a foot of her golden locks for Pantene's Beautiful Lengths campaign, which makes and wigs for women battling cancer. The campaign helps women feel like themselves again by giving free, real-hair wigs to those who need them. The minimum donation is 8 inches; Lauren went above and beyond.

Check out the Pantene's Beautiful Lengths campaign for more information and how you can make a donation.

Jake Gyllenhaal Finally Answered a Question About Taylor Swift, But Still No Word on the Scarf

Jake Gyllenhaal is starring in the film, "Stronger," where he portrays Boston Marathon Bombing survivor Jeff Bauman.

And though the film is a serious one, Bauman hasn't lost his Boston wit.

During a Facebook interview the real Bauman and the fake Bauman sat down for a little Q&A with each other. The real Bauman let Gyllenhaal have it.

First, he told him, "I always thought Ryan Reynolds would play me. Why didn't that happen?"

Then, he really got down to business.

Keep reading... Show less
Sponsored
Beauty

Nicole Kidman's Tips For Great Skin Are Pretty Realistic, But Keith Urban's Tip Is Even Better

At some point, we've all dreamed of having glowing skin or flowing locks like our favorite celebrities. Unfortunately for us mere mortals, the beauty regimens of the stars are typically a little (or a lot) out of our price range. But as it turns out, Nicole Kidman has some practical skincare tips for all of us to hear, and it's advice we can actually handle (and afford).

Keep reading... Show less
Dolly Parton

43 Dolly Parton Album Covers Ranked

National Treasure Dolly Parton has been making music since the dawn of time. She's literally written close to a million songs and has released 43 studio albums. Of course, each of those albums are full of musical masterpieces, but some of the artwork is not great.

43 Dolly Parton Album Covers Ranked:

Keep reading... Show less
Sponsored
News

Kenny Chesney and David Lee Murphy Join Forces For New Album, 'No Zip Code'

Fans of 90's country music will remember David Lee Murphy from hits like "Party Crowd" and "Dust on The Bottle." What some may not know, is that Murphy is a successful songwriter who has written hits for some of country's top stars, including Jason Aldean ("Big Green Tractor), Jake Owen ("Anywhere With You"), Blake Shelton ("The More I Drink") and many, many more.

The 58-year-old hit maker has returned to the studio for a new album, No Zip Code. This time with his pal, Kenny Chesney behind the boards. The new album is being co- produced by both Chesney, who sings on the title track, and Buddy Cannon (Alison Krauss, George Jones) for Reviver Records.

Keep reading... Show less
Sponsored
Keith Urban

The Internet Still Can't Handle Nicole Kidman Kissing Alexander Skarsgård on the Lips, In Front of Keith Urban

I wholeheartedly believe that Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are so in love, supportive and straight-up in awe of one another that when Alexander Skarsgård went to the stage to accept his award for Outstanding Supporting Actor at the 69th Annual EMMY Awards, Urban didn't even see the kiss that the Internet can't get over.

He was totally, without a doubt, just looking at Kidman. It's what he does.

But, still-- it does beg the question-- do people really kiss their friends on the lips?

Keep reading... Show less

Simon Cowell Knows Who Is Going To Win "America's Got Talent"

I don't know how someone gets into ventriloquism. Outside of shows like "America's Got Talent" and the Miss America Pageant, I don't can't remember a single time I have ever seen, or gotten excited to see a ventriloquist. But, y'all, I cannot get enough of 12-year-old Darci Lynn Farmer, the darling and current favorite to win AGT.

Keep reading... Show less
News

Carrie Underwood is Being Sued for Song Theft by a Pair of Canadian Songwriters Claiming They Wrote "Something in the Water"

In 2014, Carrie Underwood released "Something in the Water" prior to taking a bit of maternity leave to much commercial success and critical acclaim. The song won Underwood a GRAMMY for Best Country Solo Performance and was atop Billboard's Hot Country Songs Chart for 7 weeks. It also sat at No. 1 on Billboard's Hot Christian Songs Chart for more than 20 weeks.

Now, Underwood and her co-writers on the tune, Chris DeStefano and Brett James, are being sued for song theft in federal court. The writers' publishing companies and Sony Music Nashville are also listed.

Keep reading... Show less
Fashion

Look at All of These Photos of Jason Aldean Without His Cowboy Hat

For years I've assumed that Jason Aldean, Brad Paisley and Tim McGraw have very bald heads with tattoos on top or something since we rarely see any of them without a hat on.

Every now and then, Tim will walk a red carpet without his signature hat, but mostly these guys are always rockin' a hat.

Lately though, Jason has been getting ready for baby boy Memphis to arrive and posing without his hat on. You can see his hair and his eyes! And he has hair!

Keep reading... Show less