23 Thoughts and Feelings About “Music City,” Episode 1 (Recap)

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As an avid viewer of “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills,” I have to say, my excitement for the premiere of “Music City” was somewhere between Spencer Pratt on his third wedding day and Lauren Conrad getting the internship at Teen Vogue.

Like it’s predecessors, “Music City” starts off by introducing us to a narrator, Rachyl. I have some thoughts.

23 Thoughts and Feelings About “Music City,” Episode 1 (Recap):

1. Is that really how she spells her name?

2. “Nashville. They call it Music City. Dreamers move here from all over the world to chase one thing, but… few ever find it.” This is a very vague statement. And it seems like these people don’t know what they’re chasing after, so it would be hard to find it?

3. Wolfgang?!

4. Jessica has a pure Southern heart, but I hope she’s more like Heidi.

5. Jackson wants his own path.

6. Alicia is determined.

7. Bryant is a drummer and Rachyl really pronounces that ‘T’.

8. After the vague introductions to the cast, we learn that Kerry is taking “that offer” and he hasn’t told Rachyl. He’s dreading it. So, like, what is “that offer”?

9. Rachyl is a nanny and I want to know who is allowing their small children to be on a reality TV show that’s supposed to be an updated version of “The Hills”?!

10. Kerry also works construction and drives a really, really old truck.

11. Rachyl wants Kerry to cover Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” at his next gig, which isn’t a bad idea. It’d probably get a lot of views on YouTube.

12. Alicia was a bartender, but now she’s singing with BryanT the drummer. I’m not Simon Cowell or anything, but I’ve heard better.

13. As Kerry and Rachyl split a cupcake on their porch, I can’t help but feel a little bored. The awkward editing is alive and well! Just like “The Hills.”

14. Rachyl wants to set Jessica up with a guy from cycling class, which is a no from me dawg.

15. Jackson, the cycling teacher, looks exactly like Stephen Colletti.

16. Jackson and Jessica meet up and though Jessica has never been on a blind date, she immediately jumped into full flirt. And Jackson let it be known that he’s got muscles, tattoos and grew up in church. Then, they sang Whitney Houston. I don’t know what is happening here.

17. In classic “Hills” fashion, Jessica meets up with Rachyl the day after the date to discuss everything. But, instead of being at an apartment pool, THEY ARE AT A POND? You know Maren Morris is always just chillin’ at the local pond.

18. Jackson isn’t hanging out at a pond, but in a mansion with his cousin, Alexandra, who is trying on dresses for him? Jackson tells Alexandra that he wants to bring a date to some pageant and Alexandra is not here for it.

19. My cousins and I are not like this.

20. As Kerry and Rachyl are driving to a gig, Kerry tells his wife about “that offer.” He’s leaving for 6 weeks and now, it’s **~~dRaMa~~**

21. Rachyl is now crying, like crying. She is not the same girl. Kerry wants to know what that means and through tears, Rachyl said, “All I do is chores! I literally do chores!” Weird that that’s the first thing she brought up.

22. Kerry’s gig also has a convenient slot for Jessica who’s ready to sing her song about her future husband. And even though they’ve only been on one blind date, Jackson is there to watch Jessica and he’s probably not freaked out at all.

23. Kerry closes his gig by saying Rachyl isn’t “really a fan of country music.” Let’s talk about this– being married a struggling musician who should maybe think of another career path is hard on its own. Being married to a struggling wannabe country music singer and not even liking country music? Oh, that is a lifestyle. Dang.

And that was it.

Drama Level: 3/10

Music Level: 1/10

Best Line: “All I do is chores! I literally do chores!”