The four ladies left vying for Arie’s heart are Kendall, Tia, Becca and Lauren B. Which means Arie’s trekking to Los Angeles; Weiner, Arkansas; somewhere in Minnesota; and Virginia Beach. Each date is boring, bland and despite telling each of the families differently, he is actually saying all of the same things to each of families.
First up, Kendall takes Arie to do some taxidermy, which she describes in a romantic way, “In a way, taxidermy is like a perfect relationship, because it’s something that’s going to last forever.” At first, that’s sweet and then when you think about it– not sweet. Creepy.
We learn that Kendall has a twin sister named Kylie. Which means– the Jenners better watch out, because there’s a new duo in town. Twin sister Kylie might be a psychic or something because she says she can feel energy and sense things differently than her twin and I can tell this really freaks Arie out. But, he gets the blessing!
Arie moves on to Arkansas, where, of course– he’s met with a plate full of pigs in a blanket and vienna sausages on toothpicks when he walks into Tia’s family home. Tia’s brother immediately pulls Arie aside and asks him if he’s a playboy and/or a kissing bandit. Arie was kind of honest with brother bear and does say he may have been like that in the past, but he’s ready to settle down now. Tia’s down asks Arie the same questions, but also threatens his life and tells him that if he hurts Tia he can use “the Google” to find him.
Arkansas is really racking up the stereotype points with this family.
Arie moves on to Minnesota, where Becca takes him to a very special apple orchard and apologizes for the cold like she can do something about it. She reminds Arie several times that her father is no longer and her uncle the pastor will be filling in as chief interrogator. But, really– Becca’s mom is tougher than Uncle Pastor and she doesn’t give him her blessing, but she says that she won’t call the cops if they run off together? Arie says, “I love that.” Maybe Arie can’t hear and so, he just says that?
Arie moves on to Virginia Beach and immediately asks, “you can just ride horses on the beach?” This guy has traveled all over the world and likely seen several movies and he didn’t know you can ride horses on the beach?
Lauren’s family is not impressed with Arie. They’re also a conservative military family. After Arie revealed that he’s never spent time with a military family and he doesn’t play golf, he had to excuse himself from the dinner table.
Then, Arie got smart and basically told her dad, “I support the troops.” And dear ol’ dad was sold! Blessing received! Lauren’s mom is not as on board. She asked him, “so, you’re not compartmentalizing all these other relationships? Are you saying the same things to these other people? Can you be devoted to that one person after going through this thing and compartmentalizing everything?” Bam!
Arie kind of talks his way out of it. Kind of. Mom trusts Lauren, but not Arie.
Finally, it’s time for the rose ceremony. Arie is shook and says, “it’s like, an impossible decision.” He tells Chris Harrison he doesn’t know what he’s going to do and says again, “it’s like an impossible decision.” But, because he keeps saying it’s “like” an impossible decision, we know it’s not actually impossible.
After pulling Kendall aside, Tia gets the boot and is sent off in the limo of shame.
And now, we’re down to three.
As long as ABC is there with a camera.
Well, you need it in both, but you would hope for a little more of a spark with the man you’re going to marry.
Why isn’t his name ARDY?
Well, I love this. And that.
Yeah, right? Or maybe like a spinach dip?
Okay, this just got real. Really real.
No, more like 90 cardigans.
This is the truest thing ever.
Yeah and he’s NOT saying the same thing to all the other women.
Sorry for partying.