8 Crazy Things Johnny Depp Spent His Now Lost Fortune On

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Vanity Fair recently explored the decades of decadent spending by Hollywood A-Lister Johnny Depp. Somehow, despite earning roughly $650 million dollars over the last two decades or so, the actor has found himself in some pretty serious financial trouble. Depp is now suing his former business managers, who are also counter suing him. But what Depp could really use, is some good old-fashioned sense.


8 Crazy Things Johnny Depp Spent His Now Lost Fortune On:

1. Yacht
Johnny Depp bought himself a really terrific 156 foot yacht. That’s a big boat. That’s the kind of boat that’s fitting for a guy whose most famous role is a smooth-talking drunken pirate. But here’s the thing, you can rent yachts! You can own smaller yachts! Or regular old boats too. Depp chose to spend almost $9 million to purchase this yacht, and another $8 million to refurbish it. A yacht this size requires a pretty serious crew, and Depp was spending between $300,000 and $400,000 just to operate it. Johnny, you should have just got yourself a really nice bass fishing boat. You would have had $16 million left over to buy a Yeti cooler for it.

2. Islands
Depp got the idea to buy some islands in the Bahamas presumably from Nicolas Cage, another actor that spent his way into oblivion. He bought this chain of islands for $3.6 million. That actually seems like a steal, unless you consider it was completely undeveloped. No plumbing, no electricity, nothing. Those are important things! Even pirates have to go potty!

3. Mansions
It wasn’t enough for Depp to own a really sweet mansion in Hollywood. He needed more privacy. So he bought all the neighboring houses for $10 million or so. Anyone with neighbors can testify: this is actually a smart purchase and we would all do it if we had the means to. Great job, Johnny!

4. Guitar Collection
As a guitar aficionado, there’s a part of me that can justify having this many guitars. I already have way too many. But at some point you hit a number that it becomes a nuisance. You’d spend all your time re-stringing, and tuning, and cleaning. It stresses me out just thinking about it. I think if your filmography has grossed in the billions at the box office, you’re allowed to have 35 guitars MAX.

5. Round-the-clock Security
Just like any true pirate, you gotta have a 24/7 security detail. Protecting Johnny Depp would be both the greatest honor and most fun of my life. I’d be playing guitar, on a yacht, sailing between private islands with no bathrooms. What are the greatest threats to Depp’s security anyway? Women that liked Edward Scissorhands a little too much?

6. Wine
The man spent $30,000 a month on wine. Are you kidding me? Chelsea Handler is blushing. What’s he doing with all that wine? You could buy out the wine selection in every Trader Joe’s in your state for that kind of money.

7. Art
Here’s the thing a lot of people don’t tell you about art. You don’t have to buy the originals. You can totally get a print. Especially if you’re Johnny Depp. No one would assume that your half dozen mansions were filled with Wayfair prints.

8. Family
Depp spent $150,000 on his family a month. What! That’s nearly $2 million a year. I can only assume that’s a data plan from AT&T. Everyone is on some international plan, on separate private Depp islands, texting each other trying to find the bathroom. We’ve all been there.

They say the best things in life are free, and like most cliches it’s totally true. Nothing beats a really hilarious tweet, playing catch with dad, or a joke shared between friends. So Johnny, if you’re ever read this, please save your cash. We can only take so many more Pirates sequels.

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