There’s a lot of talk about “the New South” and being “old school” and it is easy to get caught in the middle during transitional times and culture. Being a modern Southern woman is a dichotomy between being a lady and being a badass.
If you’re doing it right, you can be both.
1. Learn how to fix a good drink.
And always have those ingredients on hand for unexpected porch sits. Being a good bartender is simple math, and will make you popular.
2. Know how to pop a bottle of champagne and open a bottle of wine with a manual corkscrew.
It will impress your friends and save you a lot of cork in your wine.
3. Abide by your booze limits.
No one likes the feeling of wondering what you said or to whom you said it last night when “just one more drink” sounded like a good idea. Overstepping your limits on the regular will make you unpopular.
4. Bring a hostess gift when you are invited to someone’s home, and no it shouldn’t be flowers.
Your hostess will be busy entertaining and preparing for her guests. The last thing she’s going to want to do is look for a vase and then be tasked with arranging your flowers in it.
5. Know who your friends are and why.
If they don’t know how to make a good drink, teach them or drop them from your circle if they can’t be taught. If they make you feel bad or talk junk about you, even the best drinks won’t make them tolerable. Kick those trifling rascals out before they make a mess.
6. Know how to act at work.
As my daddy says, “Show up and shut up.” Your workplace is not “Jerry Springer” and your co-workers are not your therapists or your playmates. Just like on social media, be careful what you share and with whom. It can and will be used against you.
7. Have one filthy joke in your repertoire.
And tell it well and in the right setting. See No. 6 if you aren’t sure if work is the right setting.
8. Know that when interloping Yankees comment on your accent they are both charmed and scared of you.
They may show it by insinuating you are stupid, but when you laugh your tinkering laugh and say “bless your heart, you are so silly” and then prove you are sharp as a tack they’ll realize an accent does not indicate their faulty version of IQ level.
9. Wear clothes that fit you.
Too big is going to make you look chubbier than you are, and too small will do the same. Don’t let vanity keep you from purchasing or wearing clothes in a size you aren’t happy about. Cut the tag out if it bothers you that much.
10. Attend at least one SEC football game per season.
Even if you aren’t a fan, you need to be amongst your people to keep yourself right.
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