Southern men are a special breed. We could be sitting in a giant office while wearing a suit and sipping a cup of espresso, but if you were to look at our inexplicably-expensive smartphone you would find “mama” on our list of contacts.
You can take a Southern guy out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of a Southern guy.
The following is a list of 13 things every Southern man must own. Whether he was raised in the South before moving away, or whether he’s a life-long Southerner the way the good Lord intended, there are just certain things Southern men can’t do without.
Show me a Southern man who doesn’t hold open doors for ladies and I’ll show you a man who was clearly raised by wolves.
Southern men say “yes sir “, “no sir, “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am.” They say “please” and “thank you” at the drop of a hat. And they will pick up a person’s hat if said person were to drop said hat.
Killer Chili Recipe
According to a research study I made up just now for the purpose of this article, 99% of Southern men believe they own “the world’s greatest chili recipe.”
The remaining 1% believe they own the greatest recipe in the universe.
Go to an outdoor Southern wedding in the middle of the summer while wearing a typical suit. Before you black out from heat exhaustion, you’ll likely see numerous men wearing cotton, breathable seersucker suits.
And assuming you die of said heat exhaustion, looking down from Heaven you’ll see those same men wearing seersucker suits at your funeral.
A wonderful companion to the seersucker suit is the handkerchief. While they aren’t as popular as they used to be, handkerchiefs come in quite handy on hot, humid, summer days in the South.
Plus, you can get them monogrammed. And I have it on good authority women love men with monogrammed handkerchiefs.
Favorite Pair of Jeans
You didn’t think jeans were only for Southern girls did you?
Every Southern guy should own a favorite pair of jeans. Jeans he has owned for years. Jeans that have had to be patched and stitched up numerous times by his wife or mama.
Jeans of which he can say: “See these jeans, son? I was wearing them when I met your mama…twenty-seven years ago.”
Every Southern guy should have a fishing story. Usually, it’s a “the one that got away” story. Also, the fish should be bigger every time you tell the story.
If you don’t have a story or the fish doesn’t keep getting bigger, well: You’re not doing it right.
A deer has wandered onto your property. And, as luck would have it, it’s deer hunting season. “Best day of my life,” you’ll say after looking around to make certain your wife isn’t listening.
Only if you have a hunting license. Otherwise, it’s just another Tuesday.
There are approximately 10 billion mosquitos and gnats for every one person in the South. You need a good insect repellant. Otherwise, you’ll never go outside.
And if you never go outside, how will you shoot the aforementioned deer?
Every Southern guy should own a dog. They are loyal, they are good hunting companions, and they help keep your home safe from intruders.
Even better? A cat that acts like a dog.
Every Southern man should have a favorite chair. It’s the chair he crashes in after a long day, the chair he sits in to watch his favorite sports team, and the chair that (usually) should have been donated to Goodwill years ago.
And it’s the chair he never, ever lets anyone else sit in.
It’s cliché, but every Southern guy should own a truck. Whether it’s a Ford F-150, a Chevy Silverado or a GMC Sierra, trucks are synonymous with hard work and functionality.
Plus, trucks are great for hauling new favorite chairs you find at Goodwill.
Old Baseball Glove
Football may rule the South, but every good Southern man who is a kid at heart should have a soft spot for the game of baseball.
An old baseball glove that smells like leather, dirt and “Icy Hot” is a must for any Southern man’s closet. And it should be ready whenever a nephew, neighborhood kid or son asks for a game of catch.
A Good Southern Mama
Finally, every Southern man should have a good, Southern mama. I know I do.
What is something else every Southern guy should own? Let us know what you think in the comments below.