30 Greatest Mustaches of All-Time

30 Greatest Mustaches of All-Time

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In honor of Movember, the month-long mustache growing contest for charity, here is a definitive list of the world’s manliest mustaches of all-time.  Enjoy!

30 Greatest Mustaches of All-Time:

30. Yosemite Sam

When your mustache is longer than your torso, you can be assured you have a manly mustache.

 

29. The Monopoly Man/ Rich Uncle Pennybags

A short, brushed out, petite handlebar mustache.  Because no matter how bad you are losing, he will always give you $200 when you pass ‘Go’ (except when going to Jail).

28. Errol Flynn

His pencil thin mustache was so cavalier, it made wearing tights look manly.

 

27. Daniel Plainview

Just drink your milkshake and you won’t have to worry about being bludgeoned with a bowling pin.

 

26. Steve Prefontaine

Because he made running look cool.  Or at least his mustache did.

25. Zorro

Let’s be honest, it wasn’t the mask that struck fear into men that fought Zorro, it was his mustache.

24. Mark Spitz

Spitz mustache alone could win against Michael Phelps any day of the week.

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23. Ambrose Burnside

He’s the man that’s credited for inventing the sideburn.

 

22. Martin Luther King Jr.

Most men can only dream they had a mustache as outstanding as MLK’s.

 

21. Sean Connery

In “The Untouchables,” Jim Malone said that one should ever bring a knife to a gun fight.  That’s because you should always bring your mustache.

 

20. Walter Cronkite

And that’s the way it is…

 

19. Eddie Murphy

No comedian is funnier.

 

18. Kaiser Wilhelm II

Sure, it might look a little ridiculous, but I think it’s a highly niche form of facial foliage.  What better compliment for the last German Emperor who was responsible for starting World War I.

 

17. Salvador Dali

His mustache is surreal and completely dismissive (but awesome all the same).

 

16. Charlie Chaplin

A once-popular style, it was forever ruined by one particular German dictator. Michael Jordan couldn’t even bring it back.

 

15. Ron Burgandy

Ron Burgundy is the manliest fictional news anchor to ever live. Without his mustache, he would be nothing.

 

14. Ryan Gosling

Because it’s a mustache, not a lifestyle.

 

13. Rollie Fingers

According to the Handlebar Club of London, a true handlebar must be “a hirsute appendage of the upper lip with graspable extremities.” Rollie’s certainly was.

 

12. Clark Gable

Frankly my dear, Clark Gable’s mustache doesn’t give a damn.

 

11. Friedrich Nietzsche

An awe-inspiring mustache that could provide the meaning of life of even the most strident pessimist.

 

10. Burt Reynolds

Let’s be honest, with the mustache, Reynolds’s TV and movie career never would have happened.

 

9. John ‘The Hangman’ Ruth

Granted, “The Hateful Eight” won’t even come out until Christmas.  But, if you watch the trailer, you’ll see why he’s on the list.

 

8. Joshua Chamberlain

Legend has it that it wasn’t General Lee that won the Battle of Gettysburg, it was Chamberlain’s mustache.

 

7. Bill, the Butcher

It was his mustache that ruled over the Five Points district in “Gangs of New York.”

 

6. Augustus McCrae

If you want to ‘cut the cards,’ you’ve got to grow a mustache.

 

5. Sam Elliott

Anytime there needs be a cowboy with a mustache, they call Sam Elliot.

 

4. Albert Einstein

When in doubt, wreck more police cars.

 

3. Mark Twain

Twain once said that a beard “performs no useful function; it is a nuisance and a discomfort; all nations hate it; all nations persecute it with the razor.”  Who needed a beard when you could style a mustache as awesome as his?

 

2. Tom Selleck

Can you even try to imagine “Magnum P.I.” as some dude with a naked upper lip?

 

1. Theodore Roosevelt

No list of mustaches would be complete without the vim and vigor of Theodore Roosevelt.

 

Image Source: BigStock, Wikipedia, PR Photos

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