Growing up, I was a super picky eater and looking back, I sometimes wonder how I actually had enough sustenance to survive. For some reason, both of my grandmothers usually catered to my picky eating habits and rarely put anything on the table that I wouldn’t at least pretend to try or swallow hole, if forced to eat.
In all of my years of family dinners with my dad’s side of the family there was one thing I never really saw anyone eat– this thing we just called pink fluff or on occasion, orange fluff. I guess it just depended on the ingredients that were available that day. The second I saw this recipe for 7-Up Salad on Facebook I was reminded of the pink fluff and though I never knew what was in the pink fluff, I now know what might have been in and I’m gagging like a picky 8-year-old all over again.
After trying to find a little context to the recipe I discovered there is no context. Someone’s mom passed it down to someone else’s mom and for some reason, people are still passing it down. AMotherThing.com says this salad is actually a dessert, but I don’t think it’d look any more appetizing served before, after or during dinner.
Not surprisingly, the first ingredient in this “salad” is 7-Up. And as a bonus to this recipe, as if to distract you from the ingredients, a few facts about each item is given. I vote we start calling this thing Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda Salad.
After the Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda, just throw in some mini-marshmallows. I guess if you’re in a bind, the larger marshmallows will work.
To make sure the flavor in the Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda really comes out, you’ll add in some Lime Jello. If you’re someone who likes to have fun in the kitchen you sing it, “it’s time for the lime J-E-L-L-O!” Again, this will distract you from what’s coming up next.
Oh, it’s just cream cheese. You’re fine.
And then, you throw in some cherries. I wish this fact was about what the difference between a cherry and a Maraschino is, but no, just something about cherry pie in Kansas City. And if you’re curious and are looking for some real facts here– the red dot in the 7-Up logo isn’t a cherry. It’s “Cool Spot.”
Once the cherries and the slime come together it’s starts to look a little weird. That’s not a shade of green you typically see on a plate.
Once those cherries are all nice and tucked you, want to pair them with some crushed pineapple. One can only assumed this is canned pineapple that you crush on your own, which could be fun?
Now, to kick things up a notch, you want to add in some Cool Whip. Again, this says Cool Whip and not whipped cream. Straying from this recipe could result in a real dinner disaster.
And now, for the pièces de résistance– mayonnaise. Oh, hell no! What? Mayonnaise? In my desert salad with my mini-marshmallows and my Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda? If this is what my grandmother was serving up all those years I need therapy.
Yeah, so keep it casual and just fold that mayo right in. You won’t even know it’s there.
Once that mayo has covered up any hope of this being something you’d serve up to anyone you call a friend put it in a Jello mold or one of those things you bake an Angel Food cake in. The technical term is circular cake pan thing that leaves a hole.
And there it is! The 7-Up/Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda Salad that is actually a dessert.