Your Wedding or Your Mama’s?

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There’s a ring on your finger and a date circled in May. Now it’s time to plan the wedding of your dreams. There’s just one problem. You and your mom can’t get along. You’re fighting over the guest list, the venue, to have a band or a DJ, or what type of flowers to use for decorating.

Don’t spend your last days as a single woman fighting with your mom, or if you’re a mom, fighting with your daughter. It’s just not worth it. Here are some simple tips for how to get along with each other while you’re planning a wedding.

Advice for Mama

In all the excitement of planning your daughter’s wedding, don’t forget that it is your daughter’s wedding, not yours. Be helpful but don’t be manipulative even if you’re contributing financially. Ask lots of questions and catch your daughter’s vision for her wedding. Ask where she needs help or if there are details that you can oversee.

If you’re daughter has unrealistic expectations or can’t get a foothold on how much things cost, then tell her you love her ideas and ask her to see if she can find tips on how to do some of the details on her own. There are plenty of DIY wedding ideas to save lots of money creating your own wedding decor.

Advice for the Bride-to-Be

If you’re fortunate enough that your Southern parents are paying for most or all of your wedding then count yourself blessed, and remember that your wedding will most likely be the biggest social event that your parents will ever host. Be respectful of your mom and open to suggestions (even if you don’t use them).

Try to include your mom in as much as possible, especially, the wedding dress shopping – that’s important to Mamas. Be sensitive to your mom. You might have been out of the house for 10 years, but your wedding will officially mark the end of an era, and that can be hard for your mom, who changed your diapers and watched you dance around the living room as a little girl. Don’t forget that when you’re arguing with her about flowers or how many bridesmaids you want.

Advice for Both

Stick to a budget – that will save both of you a lot of headaches. If everything the bride-to-be wants doesn’t fit in the budget then something’s got to give, or the bride-to-be can pay for some things out of her own pocket.

Figure out what’s most important to each of you. The bride-to-be might find that while she’s dead set on having a great band, her mom is most concerned about the flowers (a detail that the bride-to-be is not as worried about). Perfect! Let Mom plan the flowers, and the bride-to-be can pick out the band. Most importantly, have fun together and enjoy the planning.

For the record, I had a great time planning my wedding with my mom. We didn’t agree on everything, but we learned to compromise. I look back fondly on that time in my life and have no regrets. My wedding was everything I hoped it would be and that was largely due to my mom’s hard work and help planning.

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