7 Ways to Make Sure Your Family’s Thanksgiving Dinner Doesn’t Turn Into WWW III

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Perhaps there’s too much pressure on Thanksgiving to be too many things too many people– you have to have the best meal, be the most thankful, have the most stylish table decor and make sure no one is allergic to turkey. And all of these things have to be done in a way that doesn’t offend your grandmother and gets your dad to the living room in time for the Dallas Cowboys game.

Typically, it just takes one ill-fated comment about universal healthcare to send the entire dinner off its rails. Let’s avoid that this year.

7 Ways to Make Sure Your Family’s Thanksgiving Dinner Doesn’t Turn Into WWW III:


1. Have a Cocktail Hour Beforehand

You know how fancy weddings have the ceremony, then a cocktail hour, then the reception? It’s time to get fancy up in this thing. Even if you have to break the bank make sure you’ve got wine, beer and at least some vodka or whiskey to last for multiple days. Plan on everyone having at least two drinks before dinner, six drinks during the meal and then several after afternoon naps.

2. Use Alexa to Your Advantage

If you don’t have an Amazon Echo, make sure Siri is ready and available. Basically, if things ever seem like they’re on the path to complicated– say, “Alexa, _____,” and she’ll interrupt your conversation.

3. Ask Questions

If Cousin Jill is super into Crossfit and eating greens, go ahead and ask some detailed questions. After all, on this day, it’s best to discuss things like Whole30 and Instagram filters versus the United States Senate.

4. Restrict WiFi Usage

This isn’t so your family will engage with each other, it’s so they will stay off of Twitter. And Facebook. Nothing great ever started by saying, “did you see ____ on Facebook?”

5. Turn the Heat Way Up or Way Down

If you want people to leave your home quickly– smoke ’em out. Get that heater blasting and they won’t stick around.

6. Break One of Your Toilets

If 10 people just ate a full meal and there’s only one working toilet you can guarantee at least half of those people are going to head to higher ground.

7. Relax

What’s done is done, right? There’s a time and a place for opinions and Thanksgiving is not one of them.

Saul Dean
Writing from the country. [email protected]

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