In case you have never had cable, don’t own any scissors or have never tried to do a craft project, you should know that Martha Stewart is mostly responsible for the DIY/home decor/farm-to-table/fancy ingredients renaissance that has been sweeping across America since the early 2000s. Martha has been on our TVs and running her own media empire since the 1990s. Like, “Fixer Upper” hadn’t even been conceived and Gwyneth Paltrow wasn’t even dating Brad Pitt, much less trying to be a home health guru. Martha has served time in prison, but hit the ground running immediately upon release even though she was under home confinement.
Martha can literally do it all— cook, bake, decorate, farm, host, entertain, read, write, you name it and she can do it (like, she was even a model once). Which also means at times, she’s a bit condescending to guests she has on her show and to the viewers watching her at home. She makes you feel bad if you can’t go outside and get farm-fresh eggs for your own chicken or fly to france for a certain kind of wine needed for a recipe. She’ll say things like, “store bought will make due…” and your heart sinks because not only have you never been to France, you couldn’t find the place she’s talking about on any map you own.
8 Times Martha Stewart Was Hilariously Condescending to Celebrity Guests on Her Show:
Lindsay Lohan and Cream Puffs
Lindsay keeps making faces like she’s never been in a kitchen, much less turned on a stove. When she starts saying things in French and explaining that she just said “cabbage” in French because she can, Lindsay is so far behind on her mixing she can barely recover. Martha kind of just ignores her and I’m guessing Lindsay never tried to make cream puffs at home.
Conan O’Brien and a Branch Peg Rack
This might be the most classic clip in the history of DIY TV.
1. Martha accused Conan of “being out of control,” when he denied that, she just said, “well, he’s behaving so far today.”
2. When she told Conan what they would be making, he told her he wanted to make something he could have to hang stuff on like his dog’s leash and other random items. She wanted to know if Conan owned a “nice jacket.”
3. Then, Martha said you really needed to find a birch tree, “maybe something that’s blown over in a storm.”
4. Martha introduced a portable saw, but not just any saw, “a very good saw.”
5. Conan has a lot of trouble sawing off the branches of his branch. Martha said, “Oh, I thought you were actually a lot stronger than you seem.”
6. In return, Conan asked Martha to come to his country house and help him dig a new septic tank. She just ignored him.
7. When Martha tells him to get out his clippers she uses the French word for clippers and Conan literally says, “my what?”
8. When Conan tried to make a joke, Martha said, “we do not need to hear about that.”
9. Conan isn’t super handy and had a little bit of trouble with his drill. Martha told him, “that’s inappropriate.”
10. Conan gave up on his branch pretty early. At the end, Martha said, “Thank you for helping me. You can make sure that you get me a new drill, please.”
Usher and Champagne Cocktail
Long before Martha starred on a cooking show with Snoop Dogg, she was teaching Usher how to make cocktails. She asked Usher to open the champagne, but immediately questioned how he was doing it. Then, she asked him if he drinks out of glasses or bottles at parties like he’s never been anywhere.
Oprah and a Tomato Cobbler Crust
What’s amazing about Martha hosting Oprah in her kitchen is that she basically ignored that Oprah is Oprah. Once, Oprah tried to remind her that they know some of the same people, Martha totally blew her off. When Oprah asked why one technique was better than the other, Martha answered her and then said, “can you remember that?”
Andy Garcia and Holiday Cocktails
Martha wastes no time in questioning if Andy has heard of a certain liquor they’re working with. Of course, he hasn’t. No one has. The liquor was so strong he could barely function after he took a shot.
Rosie O’Donnell and Homemade Potato Chips
Before we even know what Martha and Rosie are making, Martha reminds Rosie that when visited Rosie’s show she didn’t like anything she brought. She then said, “you like simple things. Like potato chips, right?”
Then, Martha randomly mentioned that Derek Jeter really wanted to hang out with her and eat dinner.
Josh Duhamel and Candle Holders
You know, why wouldn’t Josh want to make a homemade candle holder? Martha opened the segment by saying, “these are a nice Saturday project, if you’re feeling crafty.” Martha remembered that Josh had spent time on a farm growing up and when Josh tried to tell her he knew how to milk a cow, she assured him he probably didn’t really know how to milk a cow. And she really put him on the spot when she made him try to name all the parts of the drill.
Eva Longoria and Chicken Wings
While cutting through the chicken wings, Martha wasted no time in reminding everyone, “a sharp nice is really essential.” When Eva tried to ask Martha a pretty regular question about why her pans always stain when she tries to caramelize something, Martha straight up told her she probably didn’t have nice enough pans.