Young Yodeler Stuns Walmart Shoppers Singing Hank Williams

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When you aren’t old enough to try out for “American Idol,” you just have to try out for America instead. But how can you try out for a whole country? Go to the people, to Walmart. They, the salt of the earth, will judge if you are worthy to become their idol. They alone can grant viral status and immortality. And so, the boy yodler went to Walmart and began to sing.

The unnamed legend picked out Hank William’s “Lovesick Blues” from his arsenal of incredible covers. He weaponized it with swooping swells and an assaulting toe tap knowing that no one could stand in his way. The crowd was struck dumb and mute by the bowtied youngster. They stood in awe, their mouths agape, flesh turned to stone by the musical Medusa.

Emboldened, his oversized boots began to slap the superstore floor- tap, tap, tap- like a ticking timebomb counting down to a musical apocalypse. “Yodeling was coming,” he thought, “and it ain’t ever leaving.”

He wheezed and warbled like a lovesick party balloon, catching shoppers’ attention with the blinding light of his XXL belt buckle. This country Pee-Wee Herman couldn’t be stopped. How could he? Could they have called a manager? With what voice? None could speak or even faint. Instead, all who heard his siren song were hypnotized in his spell.

And granny watched from stage right smiling, knowing that her boy had a future in America.

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