Have you ever been eating a nice piece of chocolate and thought, “This is good and all, but all this chewing is wearing me out. There must be an easier way!” Well, there isn’t you lazy bum, but that hasn’t stopped one Florida man from trying. Nick Anderson of Orlando, Florida (obviously) has created a snortable chocolate called Coco Loko, which he claims will help you party the night away without a crash. This is why we can’t have nice things. Thanks a lot, Florida.
Anderson is the founder of a supplement company called “Legal Lean” whose actual slogan is “Just pour up a deuce” (DOUBLE RED FLAG). Snortable chocolate is a minor trend in European clubs, and Anderson wants to hit the market first in the States. “I didn’t consult with any medical professionals, I basically just looked at what Europe was doing,” he said while bugging out (RED FLAG).
Anderson mixes cacao powder, taurine, guarana, and “other ingredients” (RED FLAG count is now at 4) that have not place in your lungs and, I can only assume, mixes them up with his hands.
Despite what Good Morning America tells you, this is not the “new teen drug.” Typically, the news doesn’t find out what teens are doing until they have finished doing it. They might as well run with this fake “Law and Order” drug:
But if you feel safer locking up your hot chocolate mix, go ahead.
Besides, the news thrives off asking dumb questions and scaring moms.
You can now dress an endangered rhino in a tutu and dance with it– but should you?
You can now grill and eat a shoe– but should you?
You can now wear pants as a hat– but should you?